I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
