He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
