I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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