sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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