it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
