They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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