I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
