pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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