I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
