If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
