my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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