meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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