I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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