Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
