i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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