If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i came on her dog
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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