So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
