dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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