I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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