Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
