Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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