the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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