i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
