wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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