I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
