Pants 0. Shit 1.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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