Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
