He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
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And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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