Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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