im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
