I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
