"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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