Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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