I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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