why didn't you poke me back
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
