To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
