It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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