If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
