its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
