where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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