I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize