I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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