he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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