I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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