I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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