The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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