She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
