good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
