Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
