I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
