Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
