you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Princesses don't give blow jobs
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
