Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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