I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
