My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
