He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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