You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
