YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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