One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
