"it" just moved
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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