he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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