I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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