quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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