plz talk dirty to me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
as a side note pls kill me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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