do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
