that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
