I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
