I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
