you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
