it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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