i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
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It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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