That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
