I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Someone signed my nipple.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
