So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
