i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I could fuck to npr.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
