Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
