Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
