Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
